Sunday, February 27, 2011

I didn't even cry/What the heck is wrong with me?!

Teaching baby care to preschoolers is fun!
Last week our classroom had a special visit from a new baby brother!  For the last several months the whole class has been abuzz about two mom's who are expecting (I'm trying to ignore the fact that I was technically trying to get pregnant before either of them mentioned they were expecting, gulp).  We have talked endlessly about what it means to be a big brother/sister, what babies do, what babies need, how to help and how it feels having a new baby in the house.  We even set up an entire dramatic play area where the kids had babies to care for, feeding, bathing and putting them to bed.  How cute is that?!  I'm not sure how I survived that part of our curriculum when kids were asking if I'm somebody's mommy or if there's a baby in my tummy (I admit this is an honest mistake when your three and your teacher is a little on the chunky side).

Somehow I got through it and here we are meeting one of the babies we have been so excitedly looking forward to.  I was prepared.  I knew the little bundle of joy would be stopping by some time.   I fully planned on barely keeping it together and then crying all the way home from work.  To my surprise, it didn't bother me at all.  He was adorable and tiny and I would have loved to hold him, if I wasn't covered in preschool cooties, but I didn't get that rush of hormones that I expected.  I didn't get swallowed by the gaping hole in my heart and I didn't even hate myself for being broken.  I just enjoyed seeing him and I couldn't believe how much this little guy looked like my brother when he was a baby.

It felt good to be so level headed, but now I'm worried.  Why didn't I freak out?!   I guess it just goes to show how much hormones really dictate my feelings.  I'm an arm's reach from an adorable new born and I'm fine, but I can't shop at The Gap without wanting to steal every adorably dressed baby I see?!

 I came home that day to discover that I was experiencing the full swing of ovulation signs, though I wasn't do to ovulate until today...

On that note, I took an ovulation test this morning and it was positive.  I really liked the idea of verifying ovulation with three different methods, but it turns out cervical mucus and saliva ferning aren't great indicators, but they've been pretty trusty predictors.

Edit: turns out I'm not crazy.  Some of these tests just might be bunk.

As usual, I think this month is my month, but I tell myself that every month.


  1. I had the same reaction to babies/etc when we were trying. Even though I was consumed by stress and sadness, and even though hearing about "easy" pregnancies was really tough, the actual babies (stories about them, holding them) made me so happy. They represented hope. Sometimes my parent-friends would hold me at arm's length, as if they were scared of hurting me by sharing about their babies... but that was always upsetting. It felt good to be a part of the parenting world.

    I forget, have you checked BBT to be certain you're ovulating? This might be worth a shot. Alternately, you could have you blood drawn after ovulation to confirm that your progesterone levels are indicative of a corpus luteum. (I'm sure you know this, but you can have a period even if you don't ovulate). Signs of ovulation without actual ovulation are a sign of PCOS. (I get ferning patterns, changes in CM, and positives on OPKs every 2 weeks).

  2. That's a really interesting point. I think it's because we spend so much time thinking about babies, picturing them in cute clothes, imagining holding them, decorating the nursery in our minds, reading about them etc. that they become something bigger in our head. Once we're actually faced with one, it isn't as bad as we make it out to be in our heads. That's my theory anyways...

    We are just a few days apart for ovulation...crossing everything for both of us this cycle!!