Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Two little words

That. Sucks. 

That's it.  That's all you have to say.   I can't speak for every woman who is having difficulty getting pregnant, but I can bet that none of them like to blamed for their infertility OR told that it's just not meant to be.  If you don't know what to say, just say, "that sucks."  It really is that simple.

Two well meaning people said not very nice things to me today.  I know to shrug these little conversations off, but every time it happens I have to really fight the urge to never tell another soul that we're trying to get pregnant!  This competes with my urge to tell everyone.  I don't know why I have the urge.  It just feels good, like I'm getting something off my chest.  Often times it feels like a lie if I don't mention it.

Today at the chiropractor's office the massage therapist was telling me about how it takes her sister a while to get pregnant each time she tries.  That felt like a perfect time to practice telling a stranger that we've been trying for a while.  Wrongo.  Her response, "just relax."  People say this all time!  How am I not relaxed?!  I love my job and I have an awesome marriage.  I'm generally easy going and I refuse to believe that every woman whose ever gotten knocked up just happens to be in a state of nirvana when it happens.  GRRR! 

I try not to be hateful, but sometimes that ugly monster rears it's head!

In a separate conversation I was told, "It's in God's hands."  I try really hard to be forgiving when people bring up religion/faith as the key factor in how to get pregnant.  I know many of these people rely on their faith for everything from staying healthy to winning the lottery.  I don't.  I'm not religious or spiritual in any sense of the term.  I don't actually believe in God, but I wouldn't dream of telling someone, "This wouldn't be happening to you if there was a god."  It works both ways and, just for the record, if I did believe in God, it wouldn't help for someone to tell me that he just doesn't want me to be pregnant right now!

I know it's not easy to talk to me about these things.  Some days even my husband can't say anything right.  I'm not looking for anyone to say the "right" thing, just acknowledge my situation and be sensitive to the fact that not everyone is of the same faith, or any faith for that matter.

Find a happy place. Find a happy place. Find a happy place.

I want to end on a positive note, so I'll tell you the only thing that's made me feel better so far.  Both my husband and a close family member have comforted me by reminding me that I'll have a family no matter how we get there.  They are right and I can hardly wait!

1 comment:

  1. I can't remember where I heard/read this, but it really stuck with me. Something to the effect of... when people say "God is good" when they finally get pregnant, it's so hurtful and offensive. So what, God chooses not to grant all of the other couples a child? Everyone else is simply bad, or unworthy? They deserved to have a child and I DON'T? WTF kind of God is that?

    Phew, I better stop myself before I run out of breath.

    People say really stupid stuff. Going through infertility has made me really question my own manner of speaking to people working through a tough time. Sometimes I wonder what insensitive things I've said to someone else? I hate to think of it.

    Unless they're a significant other or a really close friend, "That sucks" and "I'm so sorry" is all that I think anyone wants to hear...